God Is Light

1 John 1:5 "Now this is the message that we have heard from him and proclaim to you:  God is light, and in him there is no darkness at all".

Light.  What does John mean, by calling God light?  It seems to me that certain elements of creation are not merely analogies of our Father, but bear His fingerprints, reveal something profound about Himself.  Chief among those elements are water and light.  So what of light?  Light reveals.  Light is energy, power.  Light allows things to grow. Darkness is the absence of light, just as sin is the absence of God in our lives. 

St. Augustine had this to say about God as light: "And happily we shall be near to it, if we get to know what light is, and apply ourselves unto it, that by it we may be enlightened; because in ourselves we are darkness, and only when enlightened by it can we become light... what is it to be enlightened by it?  He that now sees himself to be darkened by sins, and desires to be enlightened by it, draws near to it."  He quotes the psalm "Draw near unto Him, and be enlightened, and your faces shall not be ashamed."

It's like we are the moon, and God is the sun. We are a dead hunk of rock, lifeless, incapable of producing light for ourselves. But our nature is capable of this... reflecting the light of the sun. We are able to provide light to a world in darkness by REFLECTING GOD'S LIGHT to others. Just as the moon provides light to earth.

This is probably a silly analogy, but what comes to mind reading this passage is when I am in a dressing room, under the harsh neon lights, without clothes.  It is UGLY.  Everything that I can normally hide with a decent pair of pants or a well-hanging shirt is staring back at me from the mirror.  Every bulge, every stretch mark, becomes hideously, abundantly clear.  And it is me, fully revealed.  Unhidden.  Clear.  "Just as my mama made me", so to speak.  It's not a view I spend a whole lot of time pondering, because it is not pleasant to me.  But some day, I am going to stand before the light of my Father, and see myself as He sees me, without facades.  That's intimidating!  We spend our lives creating fronts, crafting ourselves, our looks, what the world sees, to HIDE what's inside!  And yet, when my time comes, I will come face to face with my Father, and see myself and He sees me. 

“It is when we notice the dirt that God is most present in us; it is the very sign of His presence.”
― C.S. Lewis
But, according to what John and St. Augustine say, it's only when we see ourselves as we REALLY are - as sinners, imperfect - that the full realization of God's love can become apparent.  Somebody knows ALL ABOUT YOU, warts and all, imperfections, insecurities, selfish nature and all.... and loved you so incredibly much that He died for YOU.    Only by realizing and accepting that tremendous love can you even begin to perceive your own beauty and value in the eyes of God.  You are loved.  I am LOVED. 

Wow.

Christ is Unexpected Places

Yesterday was Sunday, and I got called in to work.  Usually, I can swing church with my family before heading in, but I was informed that there were ALOT of people needing to be seen at work, and we realized that doing both just wasn't going to be possible.  So I was missing church, and it irritated me.  I mean - it's the LORD'S day.  I'm not SUPPOSED to be working.  I'm supposed to be keeping it holy.  Like by going to church.

When I got to work, I realized that the five evaluations I had been informed of had morphed into seven.  I was going to be here awhile.  I dug in and went to work.  The second person was someone with severe dementia, who required me to physically and completely lift her to the bedside chair.  Once there, we realized I had ripped the IV out of her hand, and she was bleeding profusely all over me.  Great.  No time to change, I sopped up what blood I could and moved on.  The next lady I got out of bed had been incontinent of bowel, and now I had poop all over me, too.  Fabulous.  The next lady's daughter wouldn't let me touch her until I could recite her medical chart verbatim from memory.  I had a headache, my brain wasn't working --- I winged it, but I was HIGHLY irritated.  The next guy was demented, told me he had a bullet lodged in his back and felt TERRRRRRRIBLE, and why didn't I just leave him ALONE????  I really don't need this.  I'm SUPPOSED TO BE AT CHURCH.  I'm supposed to be keeping this day HOLY, and here I am with these people.

So, when I got to the next order - a lady in the ICU who was severely demented - I was really not in a good state of mind.  The nurse told me not to get the lady out of bed, but maybe I could try some range of motion with her.  Fine.  I'll do range of motion.  I grabbed a hand and started moving her arm up and down.  Then her feet and legs, and finally, made my way around to her right hand.  When I got to that side and grabbed her hand to start the exercise, I realized that she was holding my hand back.  So I stopped for a second, and looked down at her.  She had opened her eyes and was looking at me.  And smiling. 

"Oh!" I said.  "Hello!  I'm Monica.  I'm just here to help you."  And the woman kept eye contact with me, smiled again, and nodded ever so slightly.  And squeezed my hand.  She was there, in there somewhere.  Someone's mom, someone's grandma.  She couldn't walk or talk, but she was THERE, in there somewhere. 

It was then that I got this overwhelming, uncanny sensation that I was staring into the face of Christ.  It was weird.  She was just so peaceful, and looking at me so intently and lovingly, with that small smile.  Like Christ was holding my hand, and telling me "you are here with Me.  I am with these, the least of my brothers.  Do unto them as you would do to Me."    It just floored me for a minute.  And felt instant shame at my previous bad attitude.   Christ was HERE.  I had no doubt.  I was exactly where I was supposed to be at this point in time.

Lord, please help me to recognize You, wherever You may be.

A Simple Analogy

You have a favorite uncle, whom you love and loves you back.  When he dies, a messenger shows up at your door with an envelope, telling you that your favorite uncle has left you a vast fortune from his estate.  In awe, you take the envelope, overwhelmed by this information, this amazing gift that has been bestowed upon you.  It further amazes you, because your uncle DID have a son, to whom his estate was promised long ago.  Turns out, your cousin decided not to accept the gift, and so it in turn was left to you. 

Question:  Did you MERIT that gift?  Did you EARN IT?  By accepting the envelope, did that constitute a WORK? 

Unequivocal answer:  NO.  You loved your uncle.  Period.  And he loved you.  When he bestowed a gift upon you, you accepted it.  Simply.  But if you had refused the messenger, as did your cousin,  the gift would've never been yours, despite it being offered to you.

This is so clear to me, I honestly struggle to even BEGIN to see the alternative argument: that we have absolutely NO role in our salvation.  THIS is our role... to accept the gift.  The Holy Spirit will guide us through the rest.  It's our beloved "uncle" that died so that we might have the gift.  He did the hard part.  We are the recipients.  The Jews were promised the gift from the time of Abraham, and yet, when the gift was offered, many refused it.  So the gift was given to you and I, the "gentiles".  WOW.

This is not a one-time acceptance, though.  Our faith is a journey.  Our daily "acceptance of the gift" allows us to continue on that journey.  Every day we are faced with a choice to accept or reject the help of the Holy Spirit, the love of God.  Our job is to continue to say "yes", to persevere in our "yes".  That's obedience, and that's what we are called to do.  Be obedient to the law of love.

A Thought on Sola Scriptura

It struck me today, as I was reading an article about the St. John's Bible that many Christians today suffer from severe myopia.  As in a complete lack of understanding about the history of their own beliefs.  There was Christ, the Bible divinely appeared in whole, the church became "pagan", then Martin Luther and his buds appeared, and viola!  We have today's "TRUE" Christianity.  In the discussions I've had, that truly is as far as this understanding goes.  Among other inaccurate accusations, I've heard time and again how the church "hoarded" the Bible, keeping it from the masses, so they wouldn't understand it.  Kept it chained in the church, so that the "normal folk" HAD to go to the Church to have access to the scriptures.  And it wasn't until Martin Luther came around that anyone even let the scriptures be written in the vernacular!! 

The above article on the St. John's Bible drove home a point that many forget about.  The printing press was invented only a few years before the world met Martin Luther.  Prior to that time, Bibles were painstakingly printed on vellum by HAND - a process that would take years and years for a single edition to be created.  The St. John's Bible today cost $8 million to create.  Each and every edition of the Bible before the printing press was invaluable and rare.  Where would it be safe, protected, and available for all to see?  Individuals did not own them, just as you or I cannot own the $8 million St. John's Bible.  The Church was the protector of the book.  Not to keep it FROM  the people, but to allow it FOR the people.  The Church was the only means that every day folk could access the scriptures at all for the first 1500 years of Christianity.  The Church was the steward, the protector, and the transcribers of the Bible.  There could be no "sola scriptura" prior to the invention of the printing press. 

Oh, and the whole "vernacular" thing?  The Latin "Vulgate" in itself was a translation from the Greek and Hebrew into the "vernacular" of the people - Latin,  In 382 AD, 1200 years or so before Martin Luther. By the end of late antiquity (the eighth century or so) the Bible was available and used in all the major written languages then spoken by Christians. 



By Grace Alone

Stumbled upon this quote from the Council of Trent.  Beautiful, succinct, logical.  For me, end of story.

"That they who sin had been cut off from God, may be disposed through his quickening and helping grace to convert themselves to their own justification by freely assenting to and cooperating with that grace, so that, while God touches the heart of man through the illumination of the Holy Ghost, man himself neither does absolutely nothing while receiving that inspiration, since he can also reject it, nor yet is he able by his own free will and without the face of God to move himself to justice in his sight."

Atheism to Faith

Several of the blogs that I've been reading lately have been having uh....lively.... discussions about atheism.  The number of atheists that apparently read Christian blogs is surprising to me.  What are a bunch of avowed (and apparently very angry!) atheists doing trolling around Christian blogs, anyway, for goodness sake???  I know, though, that these particular atheists may be a vocal and well, kinda mean, minority, and that many of today's atheists are our neighbors, our family members, our co-workers, our friends.  It occurred to me, while reading these interactions, that the intellectually honest atheist (which is, after all, how they describe themselves) really should be asking themselves ONLY the following five questions, and only in this order.  Anything beyond these five questions really cannot be seen as seeking TRUTH honestly, but is reaction to experiences... is bigotry, is anger, is based on emotion.  

Here then, is my list of five things every atheist needs to answer - a continuum of rationale.

1. Is there something beyond what I can see in the material world?  Something possibly spiritual?  And can a part of my own existence belong to that spiritual world, either during or after life?

2.  Is there a higher power?

3.  Is it God, in the Judeo-Christian sense?

4. Is Jesus the Son of God?

5.  Did Jesus leave behind a Church that I can still see today?

These are not easy questions, and the answers are not cut and dried by any means.  They're not meant to be.   It occurs to me, though, that nearly EVERY SINGLE religion on the planet can find itself somewhere on this continuum, where they see themselves as answering some of these questions, but then STOP before asking the next question.  Wiccans, agnostics, New Agers ask themselves question #1, and find answers they are content with, and don't move on.  An agnostic might answer question #1 as "I don't know, we can't know." and be happy with that.   Hindus and other pagans might move on to #2, Jewish, Muslims and Christians up to #3, Christians of all ilk to #4.    A progressive "YES" is an assent to God and His only Son.  A progressive "YES" can't be cogitated, sifted through like so much data, though.  A person can only be guided along the journey by the Holy Spirit.  An open heart to the possibility of a "YES" is the work of Someone much greater than ourselves. 

The following are things I've heard from atheists, which have nothing to do with seeking TRUTH in the existence of God, and everything to do with emotional reactions.  They are excuses for choosing not to believe, they are not valid reasons in and of themselves:

1.  The religious are hypocrites -  saying one thing and doing another. 
     My answer?  I'm here to make that one easy on you.  You're right!!  We're not perfect.  That doesn't mean what we're saying is not TRUE.  It means that we're not perfect.  We share that trait with the whole history of the human race.

2.  Look at all the wars/atrocities that have been done in the name of religion.
    My answer?  see #1 above.  Again, that does not disprove God or Truth.  It does prove the frailty of the human condition. 

3.  A loving God couldn't possibly let so much suffering happen in the world.
    My answer?  This in no way disproves God.  This is solely a rejection of what YOU feel the nature of that God should or shouldn't be.  This is highly subjective.

4.  Religion is only a way to control the weak masses.
     My answer? Cave men, prior to the MASSES (read... civilization) showed evidence of spirituality in their cave drawings.  Religion may have been used over the years to "control" people, but...see answer #1.  This again does not disprove the fundamental HUMAN realization, present from the earliest manifestations of humanity, of  a spiritual realm.

5. Only the unintelligent believe in God.  God was "developed" throughout history simplyas a way for people to explain the unknown in this life.  Smart people don't need such crutches now.
  My answer:  This means that YOU, personally, are the pinnacle of human evolution.  YOU are smarter than Michaelangelo, DaVinci, the ancient Greeks.  YOU are smarter than every other human being in the history of the world.  I find that hard to believe.  People in the past weren't DUMBER than people are today.  We have a greater body of knowledge, a greater human experience.  We've learned from the past and adapted, experimented, had time to figure things out.  I struggle to believe that YOU are smarter than the first person to develop the arch, or the Roman column.  The greatest minds in all of known history were believers in a spiritual realm.  Show me a time in history where atheism was the norm rather than the rare exception.  Spirituality is part of our human condition.  Get over yourself.  Intelligence and faith are not mutually exclusive.


To answer the intellectually honest, seeking atheist would lead him on a  continuum towards the fullness of faith. It's very possible, though, (and I think it's very likely that there's a great deal of people that fit into this category) that there are some atheists out there who aren't so much seeking for Truth, as they are REJECTING what they see as the status quo.  They see religion over history, and they want no part of it.   That is not intellectual honesty.  It's the equivalent of saying "I don't want to be bound by gravity, because look at all the falls and deaths that have occurred over time as a result of gravity.  Look at how gravity has oppressed people, held them down for years.  It's not for me, and I won't have it." 

 I was discussing creation once with an atheist.   I said that the complexity and perfection, the ideal conditions for life on this planet make me believe in a Creator, because the likelihood of that happening by accident was INFENTESSIMALLY small.  Impossible, really.    He countered that he thought the liklihood increased if you just believed that our universe formed and collapsed billions of times, and that during ONE of those billions of times, conditions were just right... and here we are.  There's not one SHRED of evidence to support such a theory, whereas I see God around me everywhere.  I told him that theory took a heck of alot more faith than believing in God did.  He begrudgingly agreed.  Sometimes NOT believing in God takes alot of faith as well - the faith is just misapplied to science.

I'm certainly not saying that anyone who seeks will find.  I do believe, however, that anyone who seeks with an open heart, a blank canvas, devoid of biases, will find SOMETHING.  And where the seed is planted, the Holy Spirit can take root.
Stay tuned.

Culture and Faith

The boys just finished Vacation Bible School at our Catholic Church.  They'd done VBS earlier in the summer at the Lutheran church.  Rob picked them up on their last day, and when I got home from work, he said to me  "That VBS was so.... CATHOLIC.  I don't get it.  What's with Catholics and all the bling.  The boys came home with St. Joseph medals.  I don't understand what that's all about."

And sure enough, there were my boys, shirtless, running around the yard with garish gold chains around their necks, each sporting an oversized medal with St. Joseph holding the baby Jesus on it.

My reply? "Well, St. Joseph was Jesus' FATHER.  He protected him, provided for him.  Was a faithful dad.  Isn't that something worth remembering and reminding ourselves about?"

"I mean - I'm not saying it's wrong.  It's just so different than what I'm used to!  Why do you need all that stuff?  They didn't get saints medals when they went to the Lutheran VBS. " 

This was true, and I told him that it was a cultural thing.  A "heritage" thing that Catholics have practiced for hundreds of years.  I myself have a necklace with medals of Our Lady of Guadaloupe, the Infant of Prague, a Guardian Angel, and the Sacred Heart of Jesus on it.  But how does a person explain it to someone for whom it is SO outside their normal?

Rob went on.  "It's like in the Catholic church has this cast of characters, when I'm used to thinking only about Jesus.  I worry about the characters being a distraction, when all that's really important is that relationship to Jesus."

I couldn't deny this.  He was absolutely right.  But I guess I don't see the cast of characters as a distraction, but rather an example pointing the way.  I told him that Jesus was fully divine and fully human, and we always strive to emulate Him, but... He was DIVINE.  And SINLESS.  Sometimes, we need the example of a mere mortal's response to Jesus.  Like we're telling ourselves "See?  I know we're flawed human beings.  But, by God's grace, we human creatures are ABLE to have an amazing relationship with the Savior.  Just look at those who did!"  And we bring up Mary, who said "yes" to being the vessel to bring Him into the world, and Joseph, who accepted the responsibility of caring for Him as a child, and John the Baptist, who prepared the way, and Paul and Peter, and countless others that we read about in scripture. Those who made mistakes, and stumbled, just like we do, but in the end responded as God wanted them to.   And those examples didn't just stop when the "book" was published.  Those examples of Christians who responded to Jesus' call continued throughout history.  Pointing the way to salvation, to Christ.  And when we recite the Creed and talk about the "Communion of Saints" -- THAT is what it is!!  We are all brothers and sisters in Christ, whether we lived 1000 years ago, or today.  And we pray for each other, support each other, help each other to grow closer to Christ.  Just as my father-in-law always tells my mother-in-law "if you make it there first, put in a good word for me", those that go before are still connected to us.   Alive or dead - members of the same family.  And just as we might have a picture of Grandpa in a locket around our neck, or wear the ring that used to be grandma's... it's a reminder.  To make us feel closer to that person.  When we invoke a saint, we are not worshipping them by any means.  We are asking them to pray for us, just as I would ask for prayers from anyone alive today.  "Pray for me, to the Lord our God.  You are my brother or sister in Christ.  Please pray for me."  

But still - it is a cultural thing to feel so connected to the Christians that went before.  To the geneological roots of our family.  And to many, it is different, awkward, distracting.  I understand that. 

I recently posted a video on this blog about a Pentecostal minister who, along with most of his congregation, converted to Catholicism.  Interestingly, he made a statement at one point that struck me as utterly true.... he said that getting to the Catholic church theologically was EASY.  He just had to study history to come to that conclusion.  When this group of people actually entered the church, though -- they most struggled with the CULTURE.  They were used to singing loudly, hands in the air or clapping.  They were used to fiery sermons, exclamations full of fervor.  Sitting through a quiet, meditative liturgy was so FOREIGN, it was hard to take.  My husband talks of the same thing.  The Mass is so FOREIGN to him, the feel of it so different than what he is used to, it's really hard. 
"I don't think I'll ever get used to it", he has told me.  "It doesn't speak to me, it doesn't fire me up like a good sermon and good music do.  It may be universal and timeless, but doing the same thing over and over makes it so you just don't FEEL it anymore".    I get this, too.    God created us to appreciate music, He created us to respond emotionally to words, to atmosphere.  I feel close to God whether I'm in the Lutheran or the Catholic church.  I know that He is there.   And if He's THERE, regardless of location, why then, do I insist on dragging my family to Mass every other week? To not devoting us fully to one church or the other?  And to that, I can only respond... theology.  The FULLNESS of that theology.  Not "90%" of it.  Even though God is there in that "90%".    Because if I'm not "100%", I feel like a hypocrite, saying that I believe the 100% but practicing only 90% of it.   I want ALL of it.

I read a book just recently called "Limbo", an autobiography of a devout Catholic girl growing up in Wisconsin, an accomoplished piano player who was on track to becoming a concert pianist, when she was struck with a debilitating illness that put her in a wheelchair, and robbed her of the ability to walk or use her hands.  She referred throughout the book to her faith in the past tense, which I found disturbing.  Describing her faith as a young adult, she talked about the God in which she had  believed.  Sure enough, as the story progressed, it became evident that she eventually lost her faith completely.  One day, while sitting in a concert - the same day she decided to give up the piano -  she just.... let it go.  She didn't want it anymore.  There wasn't some theological crisis, some extreme hurt or some deep revelation.  She just simply gave it up, this belief in God that she'd held so dear for the first 20 years of her life.  It was a burden to her, and she didn't want it anymore.  For some reason, that just hit me really hard.  Is it possible that I, some day in the future, could just "give up" my faith, see it as a burden, a set of rules, that I choose not to follow anymore?  I pray to God that that never happens to me.  Never happens to my family.  It was tragic, and I couldn't stop thinking about it.

 But that's when I realized that this woman's faith had always been cultural.  She had the trappings of faith... she had come from a devout family, she had attended church regularly, she said her prayers, and lived the life she was supposed to live.  And when she gave it up, THAT is what she gave up.  The culture.  Because her faith never moved beyond that.  It was a way of life, and nothing more.

Whenever I have doubts - and they are inevitable, those questions of "what if I'm WRONG? What if all of us are WRONG?" -  there are certain things that immediately pop into my head to refute those doubts.  Undeniable things.  Concrete things.  Like the miracles that have happened in our lives.  My son's healed kidney, the prophecy of Reagan's birth.  I can't deny those.  I was THERE, I witnessed them with my own eyes, and they can't be explained by any other means.  Just as in Biblical times, the miracles bear witness to the truth.  And I stop to think of the bigger questions - I step outside the church walls, and look at our world, and I SEE how there is a God.  That any other explanation for this world, this Universe, can only be incomplete or wrong.  And if there's a God, would He send His son?  The evidence for Christ, when one stops to actually LOOK at it, is compelling.  SOMEONE came, SOMEONE caused quite a stir, that changed the history of the world FOREVER.  That could not have been just "some nice guy", some normal rabbi.  There's the Shroud of Turin, the Veil of Manopello.  How do we explain those?  We can't.  So if there's a God, if there's a Jesus, then what of the Church?  And that's when I go back and read the writings of the Early Church, and I know.  We aren't WRONG.  There is a TRUTH.  And I have blessedly, thankfully, by the grace of my Father, found it.  It's not simply what was handed down to me from my parents, although I am eternally grateful that it WAS.    It is more than that now, as an adult.  It is sown in my heart, in my head.  I am imperfect in it's practice, and at times stifle it's growth in my life.  I don't live this TRUTH fully in my life at every moment, but it is HERE.  I KNOW IT.  It is WITH ME.  And I am so grateful.  And I pray , pray, pray that this TRUTH takes root in my children as well, never to be shaken loose.  They will need it desperately in this life, to lead them safely to the next.  It's more than trappings, more than culture - although that is an inevitable part of it.   It is the WAY.  He is the WAY.

Alex Jones on the Early Church

Excellent talk by a pentecostal minister on the influence of the Early Church, and how reading about it changed his life.

Bedtime Theology

I swear, I am sometimes just floored by the questions that come out of my children's mouths. Tonight, after we said our night-time prayers, Quinn asked me the following....
"Mom, if it was God's plan that Jesus was supposed to die for us, why is Pontius Pilate in Hell?"
Okay. Where does this stuff come from? I mean, the kid is SIX YEARS OLD, and spends most of his day talking about farts. I actually DID ask him where that question came from, and he said "I don't know. I was just wondering about it."

Wow. Sheesh.  If he was going to ask such good questions, I was going to have to come up with some pretty good answers.


"Well, first off, no one knows whether or not Pontius Pilate is in Hell. Only God knows that. And second... God doesn't make anyone do anything. But He knows what choices we're going to make before we make them, and sometimes He can take our BAD choices, and turn them into GOOD things, by using them to accomplish the things that He plans to do.  "

It was the best explanation I could come up with, taken aback as I was by the very question.  He seemed to understand the simple answer, and was content with that.

The faith of a child.   There's definitely more there than meets the eye. 

How I pray that my children keep their faith as they grow.

The Blessings of Discomfort

I read a blog post recently about a woman who didn't go to her 20th  high school reunion because she had felt so miserable in highschool (she had WANTED to be a cheerleader, and WASN'T!) that she didn't want to relive the pain.  She had so wanted to be popular, and go to parties, and date lots, but didn't.... and so had hated highschool.  She was talented, funny, and had good, close friends, but wasn't "popular" by her own standards.  In many ways, her experience was my experience... with one crucial difference.  I wasn't miserable not being popular.  Now, as an adult.... I see what a blessing it was to NOT be.

Don't get me wrong.  I don't think there's quite enough money in the world to lure me back into highschool.  I still have a recurring dream wherein, as a college-educated adult, it's discovered that I (GASP) hadn't completed a semester of highschool, and I have to go back!  It's never a good dream, and usually consists of me getting lost in the hallways, forgetting my locker combination, and having to take a calculus exam after not attending the class for an entire semester.  I fully admit that I do not miss highschool.  Not one. little. bit. 

In my real, non-dream junior high and highschool days, I was painfully shy.  PAINFULLY.  Like, it physically hurt at times.  I remember distinctly the  first day in my new junior high,  pretending that I wasn't there, that I was merely an observer to what was going on.  I remember getting flustered when someone spoke directly to me.   I remember the awkward dread of being in a room full of unfamiliar people, and not having the slightest inkling on what to say or how to act.  It improved some over the next few years, but by the time highschool came around, and there was to be a new transition,  I made a conscious decision to reinvent myself into a vivacious, beautiful, popular-acting person.  Like my sisters - both of who WERE cheerleaders and popular.  I changed my look, bought miniskirts and big earrings.  I walked down the hallway, making eye contact (!!!) with others.  And.... I failed miserably.  Because I didn't know how to be that person, and I ended up losing my sense of self so drastically that I slipped into a depression for months on end.  I slept all the time.  I withdrew.  I became quiet and sullen - even with my family.    And then, one day the summer between my sophomore and junior year, I had realization.  A God-given realization about myself.  I.... am a NERD.  End of story.  I liked to read.  I liked BAND.  I liked being goofy and immature.  I liked hanging out with my parents.  And I liked getting good grades.  Big. Deal.  It was incredibly freeing, this self-acceptance.  Like a big weight being lifted off of me.  I didn't have to try and be something I wasn't.  I was only me -- nerdy, goofy, awkward, goody-two-shoes me.  When others were sneaking alcohol at the back of the bus - I refused.  While a good friend of mine ended up pregnant at 17, I had just had my first, innocent kiss.  While others were out partying, I was at home watching movies with a few good friends.  And it was OKAY. 

The other thing this self-realization did for me was stopped me from focusing on MYSELF.  I was able to "get over myself" so to speak. Being that miserable was very much a form of self-centeredness.  Being hypercritical of oneself is just as self-centered as being vain.  And I realize now, regardless of how uncomfortable this introvertedness was THEN, what a blessing it was.  It was a gift from God, protecting me from temptations that others had to deal with.  He granted me my few close friends who I still keep in contact with today.  I'll take those few, deep friendships over scores of shallow ones any day. 

Much in our life is the same way.  We who are blind to God's plans don't necessarily understand what life event's are meant to teach us.  I'm reminded of Corrie TenBoom, during her time in a German concentration camp.... she thanked God every day for the lice she and her cellmates suffered with.  LICE.  Because the lice kept the prison guards at bay, and that allowed them some sembelance of freedom from the guard's constant supervision and torture. 

I have had heartbreak in my life.  Difficulties, tribulations.  Minor in comparison to some (even most), I admit readily.  I have been overwhelmingly blessed.  As I struggle through each difficulty life has to offer, though, I am slowly learning that sometimes, there are blessings hidden there as well.  Once, during a miscarriage, I remember crying to a friend that the hardest part of losing the baby was that I couldn't see God's plan, because I knew it was there, but I didn't know what it was.  After the birth of my last child, the purpose of that miscarriage became abundantly clear.  Not that God WANTED my baby to die.  But He used the experience to manifest His glory. 


May God bless us with discomfort at easy answers, half-truths, and superficial relationships - so that we may live deep within our hearts. May God bless us with anger at injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people - so that we may work for justice, freedom, and peace. May God bless us with tears to shed for those who suffer pain, rejection, hunger, and war - so that we may reach out our hand to comfort them and to turn their pain into joy. And may God bless us with enough foolishness to believe that we can make a difference in the world - so that we can do what others claim cannot be done, to bring justice and kindness to all our children and the poor.


Amen.

Quote of the Day

"One lifetime seems hardly enough to learn all that our ancestors wish to teach us."
Allison Welch

From the Mouths of Babes, Redux

I know I've said this before - lots of times - but it happened again.  My child popped off with a Biblical truth that surprised the pants off of me, because it was profound and completely unexpected.  The scenario?  Riding in the car, all three kids in tow, listening to the radio.  This is what Quinn says from the back seat....

Quinn: "Mom, it's really true that we don't always understand what we're saying and doing when we go to church."
Mom: "Uh, yeah."
Quinn: "I know something that we say that alot of people don't understand... what it means to be 'born again'."
Mom: (utterly surprised at the entire conversation) "You're right Quinn.  Alot of people don't know what that means, even if they think they do."
Quinn: "I know what it means."
Mom: "You do?"
Quinn: "Yes.  We become 'born again' when we become a child of God."
Mom: "Yup.  When does that happen?"
Quinn: "When we're baptized."
Mom: "Exactly."

I am the fist to admit that my children are FAR from holy.  Mischieveous, yes.  Over-exuberant, yes.  Holy??? Not so much.  BUT, they continue to amaze me at the level of their understanding, and at the simplicity and profound TRUTH of their faith.  They GET IT, in a way so many adults don't.  And they're only six.  And it's really not because of anything I taught them.  They just KNOW somehow.  And it pops out at the most unexpected times.

Mother's Day

Colby, at our Mother's Day luncheon with the family today, unexpectedly launched into a long description of a recent dream that he had.

Colby:  "Mom, I dreamt that we had two babies instead of one, and that she was like you and was an identical twin."

I stopped cold.  What was he talking about?

Me: "So, this was your dream?"

Colby: "Yeah, but it seemed really real.  Not just like a dream.  There were two babies, and they were identical and looked exactly alike, but one lived with us, and one lived in a house in the woods."

Me: "Was it me and Aunt Elle?  People used to say we looked alike."

Colby: "No, it wasn't her.  It was our baby that looked like you, and she had an identical twin, who lives in the woods now, in a house."

I gave a pointed look across the table at Rob ("are you hearing this???"), but he couldn't make out the conversation above the noise.  I was flabbergasted.

What Colby DOESN'T know, because I don't think we ever discussed it with him, and he was 3 years old when it happened, so he COULDN'T know (could he?) - is that Reagan was an identical twin, and we miscarried her sister early on in the pregnancy.  We DID have "two babies", and one DOES live with us, and the other doesn't.  The other thing that struck me is that he didn't say the baby was REAGAN.  He called her "the baby that looked like you".  A few years ago before Reagan was born, I had an autistic boy predict her birth, down to the month, by saying that we'd have a "girl who looked like you", to be born in November.  Colby used the same phrase, which I found odd.  Obviously the little girl in his dream didn't look exactly like Reagan looked now, because he equated to her looking like ME, not Reagan.  And even though he kept talking about "two babies", his description led me to believe that they were older girls that he was seeing in his dream, because a baby wouldn't look like ME in a six year old's dream.  He had already said earlier in the day that he wondered what I looked like as a child, because he had no idea.  He wouldn't have recognized someone who looked like me as a child.  He WOULD recognize someone older, who looked like I do NOW.  Am I making any sense at all?  I'm sure I'm analyzing this too much, but it just makes me go "hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm".

In all honesty, I really felt like I was just wished Happy Mother's Day from our little girl up in Heaven.  See, she's okay! Living in a house in the woods, and talking to her brother at night while he sleeps.  Sweet girl.  I can't wait to meet you someday.

Things I've Been Pondering

Life is much more busy than it should be, and I don't have time to write as much as I'd like, but these are the things I've been pondering of late (to be expounded upon someday when "things settle down")

• The face of Jesus - as a man, an indivdual, in the earthly confines of time, and how amazingly icons and images corroborate with each other.  The miraculous nature of some images amazes and humbles me.
• Life after death
• The Judgement, and what that means -- I'm coming to realize how much we condemn ourselves with our actions, running away from God's overwhelming love, and how He allows us to live with the consequences of those actions.
• Why Reagan always points to the ceiling at church and yells (loudly, irreverently) "BUTTERFLIES!  BUTTERFLIES!"  Or - in two year old speak - "FUFFERFLIES".  Is she seeing something the rest of us can't?
• The loneliness of our human lives, despite the busyness and chaos.  How we each crave, at the core, to be loved, accepted, and to BELONG.  And Who exactly fills that longing.
• How much an atheist has to DENY about the world around them, and deny about their own humanity, in order to substantiate their theory that this is all there is.   The tragedy of that, and how I often feel that they're really just asking the wrong questions, and looking for answers in all the wrong places.
• Confession and forgiveness.  Taking responsibility for our own sins enough to ADMIT them, outloud, to a spiritual leader.  Because it's no different than me making my son look his father in the eye and admit why he got in trouble in school, even though Dad KNOWS why he got in trouble, and my son is already SORRY for getting in trouble.  Taking responsibility.  Being washed clean.

That's about 12 posts worth right there, if I were to do each of those thoughts any justice at all.  In due time, I guess...

Why The Early Church Matters

Sometimes, I find myself understanding the atheist’s reaction all too well. At times I feel more akin to the skeptic, then the quasi-religious, or the apathetic “go to church on holidays” crowd. I mean, do you know what we’re saying as Christians???? That the Creator of the Universe – the maker of the sun and stars and black holes, and LIFE – came down to Earth as one of us??? A man with organs, and skin, and bones, and messy hair in the morning, and hunger pains, and dirty feet??? A person, like myself, that started out as a zygote? If I had lived at that time, I could’ve walked along side of Him. Would I really easily and matter-of-factly have said “I am seeing the face of GOD”?? And we’re not only saying that He was human, but that He rose from the dead, and that He is still here, still alive, active in our day to day lives! And that He established a Church as His earthly body, where He comes in physical form for us to eat, so that He can reside inside of us??? That’s unbelievable. That’s like saying (as C.S. Lewis put it) that Hamlet got the chance to jump out of the pages of a book, and meet his creator Shakespeare. It takes an enormous amount imagination to even begin to wrap our minds around the ultimate CONCRETE REALITY. And yet, it’s what we claim, in very matter-of-fact terms, as Christians.


For me, this REALITY hit like a sledge hammer the first time I read Ecclesiastical History by Eusebius. Crazy that a book written 1700 years ago would have that effect, but it did. It took things (for me) from a theological, intellectual realm to a concrete “this really happened” realm. Here was the “rest of the story” after what we know from the Bible. Where did the apostles travel after Jesus’ death? What churches were established? What happened to Herod? What were the names, dates and circumstances of the early martyrs? It made the early church come so alive, made that world become so corporeal, that it blew me away. These are events that happened inside history. These are people that lived in a location, these are artifacts that can still be seen, these are events that were written down and remembered. I was drawn to the writings of the early church because I could look around THAT world and see mine. It took Christianity out of my head as an abstraction, and gave it solid flesh. I’ve been fascinated with the early church ever since.

Easter is quickly approaching, and for Lent this year I decided to give up my excessive Facebook time and replace it with a more comprehensive study of the writings of the Early Church. So far, I’ve focused on the works of those earliest Christians – the first 200-250 years of Christianity, as found in Volume 1 of “The Faith of the Early Fathers” compiled by William Jurgens. These are the letters and homilies of the first great orthodox Christians - some were the students of the Apostles themselves, others only a few generations removed. This, to me, is Christianity in it’s purest form. This is what it means to be Christian. It’s mentioned only briefly in the introduction to each author, but the realization of how many of these men were martyred for the faith is staggering. The deaths of these Christians give testimony to the TRUTH of what they were preaching and living. They believed it so much, they were willing to die horrible deaths because of it. Just as my first reading of Eusebius brought the people of early Christianity alive for me, these studies are illuminating the Church for me.  I’ve been staggered to discover how complete, and developed the theology was, so early in Christianity. It was not a theology that grew from simplicity to complexity over time. It was there, completely, right off the bat. To me, that gives additional witness to the TRUTH of that deposit of faith.

Matthew 16:18

18"I also say to you that you are (A)Peter, and upon this rock I will build My church; and the gates of (B)Hades will not overpower it.

I Timothy 3:14-15

14I am writing these things to you, hoping to come to you before long; 15but in case I am delayed, I write so that you will know how one ought to conduct himself in (AB)the household of God, which is the (AC)church of (AD)the living God, the (AE)pillar and support of the truth.



It’s apparent that, from its earliest beginnings, there were attempts to corrupt the Church’s message. There were schismatics nearly as soon as there was a Christian Church from which to divide. From the get-go, people decided to interpret Jesus and what He taught in their own ways. And it was undeniably the Orthodox Church’s job to call foul – to protect what they had been handed down from the Apostles themselves, because that was the “gold standard” for determining truth. The entire hierarchy of the church was obviously developed for the sole purpose of protecting this information, this deposit of faith. Not just anyone could preach. It was not a democracy. Only those who were instructed by those who could trace their lineage back to the apostles directly had the imposition of hands that gave them the authority to teach and preach.

There are those today who claim that the truth of the Church’s message was infiltrated and corrupted by paganism and other influences, concluding that what it teaches today is not what was intended by Christ. My question to them would be this: WHERE are those people, then, who “had the truth”? Where was Christ’s message protected, if not within the walls of His church? Where is the physical record throughout all of Christian history? Jesus promised that His Spirit of Truth would NEVER leave the Church. He didn’t say that the Spirit of Truth would go away for 1500 years or so, and suddenly return. That He would keep millions in the dark, only to reveal Himself years later, ala Joseph Smith. And He didn’t say that the spirit of Truth would be in written form only. Rather, He told Peter that on this rock He would establish His CHURCH, and the gates of Hell would not overcome it. The pillar and support of the truth was the household of God, which is the church of the living God. If you don’t believe that the universal catholic Church was the safeguard of that deposit of faith given from Christ to the Apostles, then you should be able to pinpoint exactly who WAS. Because it was what Christ promised. Who, then? The Gnostics? The Marcionites? Who? All of those schismatic sects are dead, replaced by thousands of new, unrelated ones. What message survives with unbroken continuity? Where do we find that deposit of faith that can be traced in a direct line to Christ and His Apostles? The orthodox Church is the only entity that can make such a claim.


As I read, I started jotting down a list of the theology and customs that were already an integral part of the early church by 250 AD . This was before the time of Constantine – before Christianity had even become LEGAL. And it wasn’t just one author that painted such a picture of their Church. There was a harmony to the teaching amongst ALL of the writers. The same concepts were taught over and over and over. Where the schismatics had numerous differing theologies, the catholic church had ONE, regardless of location. It’s what made it “catholic” – it was universal. This is what I found:

1. The church had a hierarchy of a pope, bishops, presbyters, deacons, lectors and more

2. Rome was the center of the church, and the successor of Peter was its head.

3. The Church was active in promoting seven sacraments: baptism, marriage, holy orders, confession, Eucharist, confirmation, and anointing of the sick. If the modern names were not used, the sacraments themselves certainly were.

4. The Church believed in the free will of man to obey or disobey God

5. The Church was active in fighting against heresies and schisms, in order to protect the truth that was handed down to them from the Apostles

6. The Eucharist was undeniably the TRUE presence of Christ – His literal body and blood, and necessary for salvation and grace

7. Baptism was regarded as the washing clean from the stain of sin, a re-birth into the family of Christ, and necessary for salvation

8. Infant baptisms were widely practiced

9. There was a well-developed theology that man can cooperate with God’s will on earth, and that it is God’s will that we actively love Him and one another in works of service

10. The perpetual virginity of Mary

11. The nobility of celibacy and virginity when serving Christ

12. The idea of virgins becoming the “Brides of Christ”

13. The entire cannon of scripture, Old and New Testament, including that which Protestants see as “Apocrypha”

14. The idea that Hell was a separation from God, brought on by our own sin and choices – that we live with the consequences of our actions

15. The idea of penance for sins after confession to the church, before full reconciliation

16. The idea that bishops can act to forgive sins that are confessed to them

17. The need for confession and repentance in the church for the forgiveness of sins

18. Purgatory, or a time of cleansing prior to entrance into Heaven, for those who are saved by faith

19. The Trinity

20. A difference between minor and major sins

21. Original sin

22. Apostolic succession, continued on by the imposition of hands

23. Oral tradition – a passing on of what one was taught by those that went before

24. Worship in a liturgy, with readings from the scriptures, the Eucharist being shared, a kiss of peace, music, litanies, prayers and creeds being recited

25. Sacrifice as a way to make one holy, and martyrdom the ultimate sacrifice, as a baptism of blood

26. The celebration of the lives of saints and martyrs, with preservation of their graves and relics, as well as recognition on the anniversaries of their deaths.

27. The well-developed concept that Jesus calls all to Him to be saved, and that there is no compulsion to Christ. If a man is not saved, it is because he chooses to reject the call of Christ, and not because Christ does not WANT him.

28. The idea that man was created good, and fell because of disobedience, but has the capacity still for choosing good because he is made in the image and likeness of God.

29. An interpretation of scripture that was deep, well-developed, exegetical, and not merely literal and at face value.

And so, I have to ask....where is THIS SAME church today? If an early Christian were to arrive 2000 years into our modern world, where would they find their church? What would they recognize as the faith they were willing to sacrifice their lives for?


One of the tragedies of Sola Scriptura is that it robs modern Christians of their own history, their roots, and their ability to see the whole picture of Christianity. It leaves interpretation up to an individual’s reasoning or feeling – both highly subjective processes. It makes an individual the final authority on interpretation, and not Christ and His apostles, through the wisdom they passed on in the Church. Truth is not subjective. So how do we know the TRUTH? And if the Bible alone is the only means of understanding Christ, who is protecting the Bible??? It was under attack from the utter beginning, and continues to be under attack today! THIS is why the early church matters. This is why the authority of that same church today matters. This is why we cannot be myopic in our view of history. If there is a question on interpretation of scripture, then logic states that we go back to those closest to the source (those directly taught by Christ and the Apostles), and not someone literally thousands of years later, in a different culture, to interpret those questions. And what awes me is that the what the church was teaching and being back THEN, is the same as what it is NOW – fully 2000 years later.

The record is there for us. We just have to pay attention to it, rather than ignore it.

Rerun of a post from 2008. Because I've been thinking alot about such things lately.

Friday, December 19, 2008


Makes me Wonder

My interpretation of this conversation I had with Colby may be overly "Catholic" of me, but it really DOES make me wonder. So here's the scenario... yesterday after school, I was TRYING to get overly tired four year olds to take a nap. So I, too, could take a nap. I let them lie on my bed, and I had the tv on while I was feeding the baby. I was looking for something BORING that they wouldn't be interested in. I settled on the Catholic channel, where there was a show (in SPANISH) on Our Lady of Guadaloupe. I don't know if you all know that story... if not, you can read about it here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Virgin_of_Guadalupe. Synopsis: an Aztec Indian by the name of Juan Diego saw the Virgin Mary in the 1500's, who told him to tell the bishop to build a church. She told him to fill his cloak with roses (which suddenly appeared) and take them to the bishop. When Juan Diego unfurled his cloak (tilma) to the bishop, the image of Mary was imprinted on the inside. This cloak almost single-handedly converted the native Aztecs in Mexico - more than missionaries ever could. Massive Christian conversions - in the hundreds of thousands - in the few years after it's appearance, and ended human sacrifice in Mexico. This cloak still exists, and is on display in Mexico. Anyways. That's the story, and this program was about modern day Mexicans celebrating and worshiping in the church where the cloak is. It didn't retell the story, just showed pictures of people singing and praying, and even if it HAD, the whole show was in SPANISH. So that's the scenario, when the tv flashes a picture of the Tilma (cloak).



C: "Mom, who's that?"

M: "Mary".

C: "She came out of the picture."

M: "What?"

C: "She came out of the picture."

M: "What do you mean, Mary came out of the picture?"

C: "She was a person. Like you. She came out of the picture."

M: "Why did she do that?"

C: "Because she loves EVERYBODY."



Now, I have not told my children anything about Mary besides the nativity story and that she was Jesus' mother. WHERE did THAT come from? There were other pictures of Mary on this program, and Colby would ask who they were, but when the show returned to the picture of the Tilma (cloak), he said it again....

"Mary came out of the picture!"



Sometimes I think God speaks through children. And sometimes I think kids are a little more in touch with the spiritual world than we realize. It really makes me wonder.

Faith vs Belief... a blog entry

This is an excellent blog post - it summarizes every truth eloquently.



Do you believe in Christ? Or do you “live by faith in the Son of God” (Gal. 2:20)? The two do not necessarily mean the same thing, though if you are in fact doing the latter you are also thereby doing the former.  (more)

Faith ALONE?

I've been thinking about this alot lately - this supposed "divide" about whether our salvation rests on faith ALONE, or faith and something else.  Personally, I think it's a false argument for the majority of Christians, who realize that faith is active.  The implications, for those that take things to extremes on either side are what bother me.  Faith vs. works.  Do we simply BELIEVE and that's it?.  Or do we simply DO SOMETHING and that's it?  Actually, the resounding answer is NO.  To both questions.   Christ died for us, so that we might live eternally through His sacrifice.  That's not something we deserved, not something we even come close to "earning".  Having an active faith has nothing to do with wanting to "earn" anything.  It's being obedient.  This has become clear to me in two examples that have been popping up alot in my mind lately.  First is this....

When God told Noah that He was going to flood the earth, and that He was going to save Noah and his family, Noah didn't say "I don't need to build an ark, because God is going to save me!  I have faith and that's enough!"  I feel like so many of today's Christians take this stance.  "I have faith!  Jesus saved me, so that's it!  End of story!  Anything I do is a 'work' and we don't earn our way to heaven."  I have spoken to some who take this so far as to say that BAPTISM isn't necessary for salvation, that the Eucharist isn't necessary for salvation, because it constitutes a "work", and if we have to do ANYTHING, then we're trying to earn our way to heaven.  Ridiculous.  Utter nonsense. Jesus was extremely clear about the role of both, and it's necessity to enter to the kingdom (John 3:5, John 6:53).  Because Noah had faith,  he was OBEDIENT to what God told him to do.  And God told him how to build an ark to save him and his family.  God told him to act, in order to receive the salvation that He was offering.  Very specifically.  Here's the size of the boat, here's what it needs to look like, and here's what you're going to do with it.  God, the author of creation, knows that we are of flesh and blood.  He does not act merely spiritually in our lives.  He has given us concrete tools to receive His grace - God the author of our senses, has used His creation in order for us to see, and feel, and TOUCH a way to receive His grace in our lives. Through water, bread, and wine.  Not figuratively.  REALLY.  Concretely.  Because He knows that WE are concrete, and need Him concretely.   He has told us that faith is necessary for salvation, and He has given us more than one means to His grace in order to increase that faith.  When we respond to that call, we are merely accepting the help and grace He offers us, and are by no means, in no way, trying to "earn" our way to heaven.  I have heard it said that those partaking of daily communion are merely working their way to Heaven.  Jesus is truly offering Himself to those that wish it, to live INSIDE, to strengthen the faith of those receiving the eucharist.  Why would we NOT take Him up on that offer?  Jesus is offering Himself to us, and we say "No thanks, as long as I pray, I don't need it?"  By what arrogance would we EVER refuse the help and grace that Christ offers us in our faith journey?  Why would we EVER want to do only "enough to get by"???

In my mind, then, I've always seen "sola fide" as incomplete, and felt like what TRULY should be our dogma was "faith and obedience".  After all, the demons "believe" in the Lordship of Christ.  I was reminded this morning that demons not only recognize and "believe" in Christ, they OBEY Him as well.  When Christ demanded something of the demons, they cowered in fear and obeyed (Matthew 8:16, 31).  Even the mention of Christ's name sends the evil ones scurrying away.  So maybe faith and obedience aren't the full picture.  What is, then?   Faith ALONE is not enough, and  obedience alone (following the law for the law's sake) is not enough. There goes the entire faith vs. works argument. It's kaput.  It is a false divide.  So then, what remains?  What is the fufillment of the law (Luke 10:27)?  What did the demons lack?  What does Jesus call us to do?  On what will be judged someday?  What IS GOD?  LOVE.   God sees the content of our heart, instills in us His essence, which is LOVE.  It's the key to everything.  And too often, in our theological disputes and desire to be "right", we forget the most important thing of all.  LOVE. 

 1 Corinthians tells us "faith, hope, and love.  And the greatest of these is LOVE."

Just what I needed to hear....

This blog was literally an answer to a prayer I made yesterday. 

http://wordincarnate.wordpress.com/2011/02/05/useful-servants/

Out of the Mouths of Babes

Quinn was introspective on the way home from Cub Scouts last night.   I have no idea where the following thoughts came from.  They certainly seemed to spring from nowhere.  But this was what he asked me from the back seat.....

Quinn: "Mom, why did Jesus say 'God, take this cup from me?"

I was really taken aback by this question.  Number one, that he REMEMBERED that line from the Passion drama.  He said he remembered it from the cartoon about Easter I had them watch.  LAST YEAR.  Just taken aback by that.  And that it would stick in his head.  And come out again, a year later, on the way home from cub scouts.  Randomly.  And that THIS single line had so much significance on so many levels.  And that he was understanding my response. 

Mom: "Well, what was going to happen right after that?"
Quinn: "He was going to die on the cross."  Yup.
Mom:  "Do you think that might've been scary?"
Quinn: "Yeah.  But He didn't HAVE to do it.  He could've stopped it."
Mom:  "Yes.  He didn't have to.  But He did, because He loves us.  Even though He was scared about it."
Quinn:  "Why did he say a cup?"
Mom:  "Well, what do we do during Communion each week?  What do we drink out of the cup?"
Colby: "It's Jesus' blood!  The bread is His body!"  Yup.
Mom: "He was about to shed His blood for us.  The blood that the wine turns into every Sunday.  That we drink from the cup.  So He can live inside us -- really, not just pretend". 

Quinn: "Mom, do we earn our way to heaven?"   Again... WHOA.  Where is he getting this stuff??  Rob and I have been talking about this a whole lot, and maybe he overheard us, but usually we talk about it after the kids have gone to bed at night.
Mom: "Nope, Quinn.  We don't.  We can't.  Our job is to have faith, to believe, in Jesus.  And to love God with all our hearts.  And love other people as ourselves."
Colby: "And Jesus!"
Mom: "Yup, and Jesus.  Someday, God will show us how we lived our lives, and ask us if we loved Him and each other like He told us to."
Quinn: "Well, how can He tell us?  He's in HEAVEN!"
Colby: "We have to use our imaginations, Quinn."
Mom: "Well, He tells us in the Bible.  And when we pray, and we listen very carefully, sometimes He speaks to us.  I think that's what you mean by imagination, Colby."


Quinn: "Mom, do we have birthdays in heaven?"
Mom:  "Well, there's no time in heaven, so I don't know.  But maybe the day we die here on earth is the day we celebrate our new birth in Heaven.  Actually... no.  The day we were BAPTISED is the day we enter into God's family, so that would be the day that would be our 'spiritual' birth in Heaven."
Quinn: "So, when was my baptism?"
Mom:  "You and Colby were baptised on July 14th, when you were 5 days old.  While you were in the intensive care unit at the hospital.  And Reagan was baptised on March 25th, when she was 3 months old."
Quinn: "When was your baptism day?"
Mom:  "I don't really know.  I don't remember."
Quinn: "You'll have to ask Grandma Betty."   Yes, I will.

Quinn: "Mom, how old is the oldest person?"
Mom:  "About 120 years or so, I guess."
Quinn: "I don't think I'm going to live to be old."
Mom: "Why do you say that?"
Quinn: "Well, remember how I have an angel in my heart?  Making it bigger?"  OK.... This was in reference to something he said when he was FOUR... fully two years ago... that we haven't talked about SINCE.  I blogged about it here.  This was really starting to weird me out.
Mom: "No, Quinn, your heart is just fine.  You are healthy.  An angel helps you get stronger, helps you heal."

Then he was quiet the rest of the way home, leaving his mother to think and ponder about what just came out of the mouth of her six year old son.

Puppetry

Was thinking about how amazing it is that we are the sons and daughters of God, and what that means, exactly.  To be the adopted children of the divine.  It seems (at least to me), easy to acknowledge God as our creator.  And to assume that creator is somehow the equivalent of "Father", but that's not entirely true.  Father is much MORE than creator, because it implies a likeness of being, of substance.  Creators create out of any substance.  A Father creates out of His own.  Take, for example,  Gepetto, the toymaker who constructed Pinocchio out of his skill, and desire to have a son.   But as a puppet, whose every movement was controlled by the puppetmaster, Pinocchio was not a SON.  He was a CREATION.  Gepetto loved Pinnochio, but he wanted him to LOVE HIM BACK.  And to do that, he had to "cut the strings", so to speak.  Pinnochio had to have a free will - to be able to move and decide and speak for himself.  Otherwise he was just a creation, who could never choose to love a Father. 
Once "string-free", Pinnochio's job was to become "a real boy", because it was only then - once he was no longer a puppet made of wood, but a boy of flesh and blood - that he would TRULY and fully become Gepetto's son. I feel like during our sojourn on earth, we are all "stringless wooden puppets".  So, how did we, lifeless wooden puppets, become animated?  Through the sacrifice of God's true and only Son.  His death gave us the opportunity for life.  In Pinocchio, it was a Blue Fairy.  On Earth, no one less than God's only Son would suffice.   As such, we are allowed to make mistakes, and follow our paths, because our Master desires us to love Him back, and to become truly His REAL children. But He does not want puppets.  He wants children.  And like Pinochio, we mess up a whole lot, and are easily led down the wrong paths. 

 The little "cricket" on our shoulder does not always speak loudly enough for us to heed it's good advice.  Gepetto searched and searched for Pinochio when he was led astray, just as our Father searches relentlessly for us, calling us ever home to Him.   At the end of our journey, though, it's God's plan that we become truly sons and daughters of Him - to become "REAL" boys, as it were - of the same substance as the Father, of the same flesh and blood, fully real, fully able to love Him back as He loves us.  That is the gift He gives to us - the gift of Himself, of being forever a part of His family, of His divinity.  Not just figuratively.  Literally.  And THAT is awe-inspiring.

Letter of Augustine to the Catechumen Honoratus  AD 412

"This is the grace of the New Testament, which lay hidden in the Old, though there was no end of its being prophesied and foretold in veild figures so that the soul might recognize its God and, by God's grace, be reborn to Him.  This is truly a spiritual birth, and therefore it is not of blood nor of the will of the man, nor of the will of the flesh, but of God.  This is called adoption.  For we were something before we became sons of God, and we received benefit by wich we became what we were not.  One who is adopted is not yet, before he is adopted, the son of him by whom he is adopted; nevertheless, he is at that prior time one who can be adopted.  And from this begetting by grace we distinguish that Son, who, when He was Son of God, came that He might become the son of man; and He thereby enabled us, who were sons of man, to become sons of God."

Guardian Angels

The boys have frequent nightmares, and every night I assure them that their Guardian Angels will protect them, and that they have no need to be afraid.  I asked them what they thought a guardian angel might look like.  When they said cute little babies with diapers and wings, I had to correct them.

Mom: "No.  Angels are BIG and STRONG.  They are God's warriors!  Gabriel and Michael are two of the head angels."
Colby: "HEY!  Gabriel was around when Jesus was a baby!"
Quinn: "How do you know their names, and why do you know what they look like?"
Mom:  "Some people have seen them before, and the angel's told them their names."
Quinn:  "I've never seen my angel.  I don't even know if it's a boy or a girl".
Colby:  "When I was a baby I saw an angel.  It was a boy angel with wings.  He told me to not be afraid, he would protect me.  I spoke to him in baby language, but I still remember". 
Mom:  "Well, in the Bible, that's the most common thing angels tell us.  Do not be afraid!"
Quinn: "Why?"
Mom:  "Because God is more powerful than the most evil villain, the most horrible monster.  If God is protecting us, what can hurt us?  So there's no reason to be afraid!"
Quinn: "What's heaven look like?"
Mom:  "It's the most beautiful place.  Think of the most beautiful place you've ever seen, and multiply that by a million. There's a gate made of pearls, and the streets are of gold, and there are houses that Jesus has made for us to live in."
Quinn: "Can we fly to heaven in an airplane?"
Mom: "Nope.  It's not a place on earth."
Colby:  "Gabriel spoke to Joseph in his dream."
Quinn: "How does an angel get inside our HEADS????"
Colby: "And Jacob climbed a ladder in his dream all the way to heaven."
Quinn: "So, Jacob knew how to get there.  It was really far!"
Mom:  "Well, that was only in his dream."
Colby:  "Heaven's on a cloud".
Mom:  "Well, not exactly.  It's hard to explain."

An in depth discussion on heaven, souls, earthly bodies, and time ensued.  If there's no time in heaven, how do we need know when to eat?  How can souls move around if they have no bodies to move them?

Mom: "Your soul is FREE without a body.  It can fly higher than the birds, or swim below the water."
Colby:  "Your soul can swim like a duckbill platypus."
Mom:  "Uhhh, right". 

Quinn wanted to know how a body could turn young again when Jesus came again.  So many questions!  And such GOOD questions!  And Colby seemed to have a lot of answers, orthodox or not ;).  It's alot to wrap your mind around, isn't it little men?  It's alot to wrap my mind around, too. 

Angel of God, My Guardian Dear

to whom God's love commits me here.

Ever this day be at my side

to light and guard and rule and guide.

Amen.

Faith of A Child

When the boys were little, they would at times say things that made me think they had a spirituality, an understanding, beyond anything I could've taught them.  As they've grown older and "smarter" about the world, these precious relevatory moments have become less and less frequent.  Well, today, my 2 year old Reagan did something that shocked me.  Reagan has a mild verbal apraxia, which means that she has difficulty forming new words, leading to a speech delay.  She's in speech therapy, and getting better, but learning new words does not come naturally for her.  Her language is primarily gibberish at this point.  This morning, though, as I was laying in bed with her, reading my Catechism, she pointed to the picture of Jesus on the cover, as if to ask who He was.  I said "Oh, that's Jesus".  She looked up at me, still smiling, and said perfectly clear "JESUS".  Then she KEPT pointing, KEPT smiling, and continued to say "Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus".  When I nodded, and tried to get back to my reading, she emphatically shut the cover, pointed again at the picture, and kept saying it "Jesus!  Jesus!"  Like she recognized Him, and was just thrilled to be able to put a name to Him at last.   Like they were long lost friends, whose name she had never known.   So crazy.  Just humbles and amazes me  to recognize how God speaks to and through even the tiniest child.  To realize that, even though I have a responsibility to teach my children about God, they often already know and recognize things before I have taught them.  I'm just reinforcing something they already inherently know, because they are so very fresh from the hand of God.  Because they are so precious in His sight.

Authority

I've been thinking alot about how, when Jesus was alive and preaching, He wrote nothing down.  His followers, as they watched Him perform miracle after miracle.... wrote nothing down.  There is some evidence that someone wrote down what Jesus said, (Q), but that is merely a theory, and no one knows for sure.  Surely no such manuscript survives in any form.   Muhammed reportedly dictated to scribes the Quaran as it was "revealed" to him.  Jesus did nothing of the sort.  The first Christians knew how to read and write.  Their Jewish heritage had taught them that.  But they were too busy DOING, ACTING, CONNECTING to write something down right then and there.  Jesus spread His message, revealed His Father, not by sitting at a desk and writing dialogues and letters (as others after Him would do).  No.  Jesus WAS the Word.  The Word made flesh.  And He acted in the flesh.  He spread the Truth through His words, His touch, His actions.  He connected with PEOPLE.  When He died on the cross, later when He ascended to Heaven...  He didn't tell those He left behind to "go, write a book".  He told them to go ACT, to establish a Church, HIS Church, to make disciples of all men.  Go spread the truth to the corners of the Earth, and baptize them.  ACT.  DO.  TOUCH.  TELL.  ESTABLISH RELATIONSHIPS.  BUILD.  MY. CHURCH.   That infant church spread by word of mouth, by one person telling another, by one person seeing the work of the Holy Spirit in another, by witness of the lives those very first Christians led.   It was later, after His death by several years, that the apostles and first followers started writing down what they had seen and heard, what they had learned as the TRUTH.  The earliest New Testament books - written by Paul and James - are thought to be from about 45 AD... 13 years after Jesus' death.  The first gospel account (Mark) wasn't written until about 70 AD.  These followers of Christ wrote the Truth down, because, as the Christian church grew, they needed tools to communicate to distant others what they had first learned in person.  To encourage each other.  These writings were infused with the Holy Spirit, sacred, inerrant.  But they were tools of the early church, to reflect what it was already doing, spreading, teaching.  Passing down to the next generation of believers.  It was several hundred years before those sacred writings were compiled into a definitive book.  The church came first, and then the book. There is no book without the church.   So when questions today arise about how to interpret the book... it is natural and logical to go to the source, to the place where Christ divested His authority.... HIS CHURCH. (Matthew 16:18).   Because that's how Christ designed it to be.  He left behind HIS church to teach the WAY, the TRUTH, and the LIGHT.

Pope Bendict XVI (December 25th, 2010):  "... an eclipse of reason has taken place ... man no longer uses his intellect in search of God ... but is driven by his passions and desire for self-gratification."

A Pat on the Back

Being a mom is hard.  It's cliche to say that it's a "thankless" job.  It sounds whiny, so pretend I didn't say it.   I noticed this morning, as I got the kids on the bus for school, that I was giving myself a little pat on the back, because HEY, I got the kids on the bus for school!    Getting everyone up, fed, brushed, dressed, snow-clothed, lunches made and back packs packed and out the door by 7:40 am, while the baby is screaming and wanting to be held.  It's HARD!  It's a monumental struggle each and every day.  And when the kids are successfully on the bus - with or without matching gloves - I give myself this little "you go girl!"  And I feel like a good mother.  Momentarily.  For all my internal self-awarded gold stars, it occurred to me that getting the children off to school is not an accomplishment in anyone else's eyes.  It's just EXPECTED.  ALL the moms do it.  And probably do it far better than I, with less frantic yelling, with less chaos.  The same is true when I make dinner, help kids with homework, do the laundry, decorate for Christmas, make cookies for the school bake sale,  when I change the sheets.  I feel like I'm working HARD, and I'm patting myself on the back for that effort, and I realize that...  not ONE other person on the entire planet considers any of these things even remotely an accomplishment. It's simply my job.  Expected, nothing unique because there are many moms who do the same things, and do them better than I.  And here I am, saying "YES!  I DID it!", feeling like I just hit the winning home run, or climbed Mt. Everest or something.  There should be crowds cheering, banners flying.  Because I'm putting THAT level of effort into it,and I feel like the job is THAT hard.  Despite it's unglamorous ordinariness.  And yet, I look around this mess of a house and realize that even that effort isn't enough for the job.  I can't EVER keep up with the laundry, or the dishes, or the mopping.  Getting the kids to practice the piano, do their homework, eat with SILVERWARE.  This Mom job.  It's a tough gig.  Wouldn't trade it for anything in the world, but I have to admit that it'sa heck of alot harder than those days I go into the office and put in a full day "at work". At least there I get feeback,  appreciation, respect, a PAYCHECK.  

So, to all you mom's out there,   just know that I KNOW that every night your children are safely asleep in their beds, it's because you have done countless, anonymous things to make that happen.  And I'm here to say "YOU GO GIRL". 

Thought for the Day

Science is merely reverse engineering.

An Exercise

I'd love to hear what anyone comes up with for this. A scenario and an exercise....

OK.  Let's imagine that YOU are a  geneticst and microbiologist in a newly-developing country.  You are brilliant, even though you aren't well-known.  In the course of your research, you discover that a cohort of yours has engineered a virus that can evolve slowly over time to wipe out all of humanity.  This evil cohort has his reasons, but basically, he feels that humans are the cause of everything bad, and need to just eventually go away.  You do some calculations on the rate of mutational change in this virus.  2000 years, give or take.  Then, WHAMMO.  No more humanity.  It's inevitable.  It's going to happen. 

Only YOU have discovered this impending doom.  It's more than a little hard to believe, and it's so far in the future... who would care?  So you work tirelessly to figure out a way to stop it.  You research, you test, and ONE DAY, you discover that the cure is something astounding... your own DNA.  YOU just happen to have the EXACT genetic code to  divert impending doom.  But it can only "cure" the virus in 2000 years, when the virus is fully mutated.   There's no one else in all of history with YOUR exact DNA.  Only YOU  have the answer to save the world.

What do you do from here?  Those people, 2000 years from now, need to know how to combat the destruction that's coming.  That's a long time, and you can't count on civilization looking like it does today.  Society's collapse... they have before, and they will again.  You can't rely on electricity, computers, the internet.  Technologies change and become obsolete.  You can't know what language people will speak at that time.  This is not time-capsule stuff.  This information has to be OUT THERE, in order to do it's job.

What would you do?

AVE MARIA - Celine Dion

A Thought on the Creation Story

My son crawled into bed with me this morning, and began reading his new "Action Bible" for kids.  He started on page one.  "In the beginning, God created Light."

All of a sudden, as he read that, it came to me what Light meant.  I'd always thought the Creation story was so.... out of sequence.  God creates light on day 1, but doesn't make the sun until day 4.  So... how did that work?  IN my ego-centric, earth-centric mind, light came from the SUN.  But that's DAYLIGHT.  Not LIGHT.  And it says that God separated the Light from the Dark.  Could that mean Heaven?  Is the story describing the separation of Good from Evil, Love from Hate, God from the Devil?  He CREATED light - the dark was just the void without light.  So often we use words to describe God, as if they're analogies, but sometimes I think certain created things in our experience are actually BEYOND analogies.  Light.  Water.  God's not just "like" light. It's not merely a description.     I think LIGHT is an imprint of God on His creation, the universe.  Jesus is the LIGHT of the World. There's a reason that Jesus appeared bright as the sun during the Transfiguration.  Radiance, life-giving energy.  That which allows us to SEE the world around us, causes all things to grow.  That which reveals what is hidden.  That which is pure energy.  Light.   God's first creation.

HMMMMM.