Quote of the Day

Compliments of Blessed John Henry Newman:

“We can believe what we choose. We are answerable for what we choose to believe.”

THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS!!!!!!

Bishop Barron, speaking at Facebook about having an online religious argument.  HOW I LOVE THIS!!!  It's worth a watch.  Everybody should watch this.  YES!!!  Please click the link, because I can't figure out how to embed it here.....

https://www.facebook.com/BishopRobertBarron/videos/1533520986687023/

Phase Whatever We're Up To Now: An Update.

So, where were we in this never-ending saga?  Recuperating, back to work, trying to get hormone levels adjusted.  Yes, there.  And then, in July, there was appendicitis and an emergency appendectomy added to the long list o' crapola.  Two weeks after that, there was an ER visit for thrombophlebitis of the right arm, thanks to the IV site from surgery.  Oh, and last week... pink eye.  Don't forget the pink eye.  Thus, I was feeling very down about my summer, because it was cold and rainy, and my husband and kids all took great vacations, and I was stuck at home to work, plumb out of vacation time because of illnesses, surgeries and hospitalizations.  Pathetic but true - I was resentful.  I'm not proud of it.  It was very petty of me.  I was acting like a spoiled brat, to be honest.   Luckily, though, my husband decided to take pity on me, and made our time at home when the children were gone as fun as possible - bike rides, canoe trips, ice cream.  "Monica's Summer Of Fun", he called it.   And, after a long weekend trip to Chicago, things were looking up. I'm in a much better place now than I was, attitude-wise.  Thank you for asking.  But it was a pretty bleak summer.

Yesterday, Rob and I made the trip to Minocqua's Marshfield clinic and met up with Dr. Sheehan, and things have taken a decided turn for the better.  I had gone the previous week for blood work and an ultrasound so the results were in.  Ultrasound showed no abnormal growths!  YAY!!!  TSH was .1, and T4 was way high, which is where they want it to be (hyperthyrotic to starve the cancer).  All good and expected.  My thyroglobulin tumor marker number... my main concern... was DOWN to 5!!!  Not gone. It should be zero by this point. But DOWN substantially from the last reading, so trending in the direction we want it to trend!  So that's very, very promising.  Not "all clear", but very good news, none-the-less.  I am happy with that.  The doctor explained that every unit of thyroglobulin corresponds to about 1g of tissue left in me somewhere.  So a five is about the equivalent of 5g of cancer hanging around, which he equated with about five raisins.  Raisins aren't so big.  Given the visual from the whole body scan of the inside of my throat being coated with the bad stuff... I'll take five raisins.  Since the ultrasound didn't actually SEE any lumps, he's thinking the residual tissue is at a cellular level.  I go back in two months to make sure that things are still trending down, and hopefully soon will get the official "all clear!"  If, at that time, things AREN'T still trending down, he will do a PET scan to find out where the last little bit of cancer is hiding, and we'll make a decision from there about what to do.  But I don't think we'll need to do that.  I think it's all going to be good.  Just cancer dying a long, slower-than-anticipated death.  But still DYING. Good riddance.

In other news, I have been feeling kinda miserable hormonally, which I attributed to my purposefully-elevated thyroid levels.  Apparently weight gain and absent periods aren't what the doctor usually sees in hyperthyrotic patients, though, so he wasn't quite sure what was going on.  I tossed out "well, I'm probably just going through menopause" - half jokingly.  He said "you're young for that, but let's just check."  We did more blood work before leaving Minocqua.   His office called me today.  YUP.  It's official.   Premature menopause.  2017 is turning out to be just a REALLY fun year. 

It's hard to know if I would've gone through menopause around now anyway, or if illness and radioiodine played a part.  I suspect the latter, just due to timing, and the sudden onset.  My mother started menopause at 48, so it's not inconceivable that I would be an early menopause-r as well.  But I've read that radiation can damage ovaries and induce premature menopause.  Quite frankly, after c-diff shut my bowels down for 7 days during radioiodine therapy, keeping 100 mci of radioactive iodine in my abdominal cavity for well longer than the anticipated 24 hours... my ovaries were certainly exposed to a significant amount of radiation.  I'm sure they didn't like that.  But it's neither here nor there, because regardless of the cause... menopause is menopause, and my ovaries are out for the count.  Normal estrogen levels are 50 and above, according to the endocrinologist.  Mine are 19.  FSH was through the roof as well, at 50 - another sign of menopause.  Explains a whole bunch about how I've been feeling these last few months.  So now I follow up with my primary doctor to see if something can be done to lessen the effects of these hormone imbalances before I turn into the size of a house.  Let's hope I can feel normal again soon!!

We're getting through this year, a little at a time.  It's been a doozy!  But I figure if we pile all the bad stuff into 2017, that leaves the rest of my life for rainbows and unicorns!  That works for me ;)  Overall, despite my sudden OLD AGE, things are looking up, and I'm ecstatic about that!!

ADDENDUM:  Just got back from a doctor's appointment with my primary.  She says I'm not "going through menopause".  I'm "post-menopausal".  Like... DONE.  That was the quickest "change of life" known to man.  I asked her if my period will return when I start hormone replacement therapy, and she said "No.  You will never have another one again.  You are DONE.  Your ovaries are gone."  OK then!  That process, which normally takes 5-10 years in most women, got over in essentially 3 months.  So, I suppose that's the plus side to radiation-induced menopause???  I've gained the weight, done the labile-thing, had only minimal hot flashes... all in a few months instead of years.  Now, if I can start feeling back to normal and come out the other side (which she promises will happen when I start hormone therapy!), we're golden.  She wants the gynecologist to start me on hormones, though, because of the atypical presentation.  We'll start with a really high level of both Estrogen and Progesterone replacement until I turn 50, I guess (instead of doing the bare minimum to relieve symptoms), and then start weaning off.  Trying to divert the risk of osteoporosis. 

I knew we were done having kids.  My fertility was hardly great to begin with.  But I have to admit there's a little twinge of sadness that there's not even the REMOTEST POSSIBILITY of another little Aho running around here.  If, by some miracle, we had ended up with a "geriatric pregnancy", I would have been overjoyed.  I love kids.  I love my family.    But there wasn't really a chance to begin with, honestly.  SO, if this menopause thing was going to happen anyway, might as well get it over with and move on.    That's where we are now.  Official Old Lady. 

Inspiration

We're gearing up for another year of Faith Formation.  Teaching third and fourth graders for the first time ever, I am responsible for making sure they know some prayers that I myself don't have memorized!  The list is considerable, even though I know the kids already are familiar with some of them:  Our Father, Glory Be, Hail Mary, Act of Contrition, Angel of God, the Fatima prayer, St. Michael the Archangel, Hail Holy Queen, and the Apostle's Creed.  Plus, they need to have memorized the 10 commandments, the 7 sacraments, and at the very least the order of the Gospels and Pentateuch in the Bible.  That's a lot of words to have carved into their little brains!!

So, as I was saying the Hail Holy Queen prayer to myself in preparation for all of that,  I was struck by how beautiful the words were.  Lyrical, poetic even.  And it occurred to me.... put it to music.  That's how we'll all remember it.  We'll sing it.    Within minutes of deciding this, the words started singing themselves in my head.  "Hail, Holy Queen, Mother of Mercy...  O clement, O lovely, o sweet Virgin Mary, pray for us, O holy Mother of God, that we may be made worthy of the promises of Christ....".  I rushed to the piano, and wrote down what was in my head.   It took less than 30 minutes.   (Side note: I have only ever written one other piece of music, and that was for Reagan's baptism.  That song also came to me fully intact nearly instantaneously, 8 years ago.)  A gift, inspired for a reason.  This Hail Holy Queen song, now that it is put to music, I have been singing NONSTOP.  Subconsciously, I find myself singing it while at work, humming it in the car.  It has been a constant playlist in my head without ceasing for three solid days.  Needless to say, the words are now etched into my psyche. 

With the anxiety of two major hurricanes striking our country nearly simultaneously, something else occurred to me.  By singing constantly, I was PRAYING constantly.... at a time when our country needs prayers desperately.  Subconsciously, nearly unceasing for three solid days, I was praying, and asking our Blessed Mother to pray for us, too.  And you know what??  The Lord listened - not to me, but to all of us, and to His mother - because Hurricane Irma, which could have been so utterly horrendous, took the slightest of shifts, changed course by a mere 20 miles,  which turned the absolute worst case scenario into the BEST case scenario.  And thousands were spared their homes, and their lives.  By the slightest of margins.  Meteorologists are thanking the "Bermuda High" for this change in course.  I am thanking God. 

Mother of Mercy, pray for us.