The world is changing quickly. Relativism is in full, unadulterated swing. Promiscuity, pornography, hedonism is "normal and healthy". "Tolerance" means being accepting of anyone's harmful behavior, instead of loving them in to health. The purpose of life is to either get the most stuff, or to have the most fun. Nature is god, instead of a reflection of THE GOD. Gender is a choice rather than a biological fact. Marriage is just "living legally with whoever turns me on". Abortion is a medical procedure removing a few cells. People who believe in the historic definition of family as it has been defined for millennia throughout all of human history are now classified as "bigots". The world has been turned on its head. Right is wrong and wrong is right. It's head-spinning and mind-blowing, and I feel like I'm constantly on the defense to keep myself and my family's feet on the ground and right side up. To teach them to see the world through eyes that KNOW right from wrong, good from bad, love from hate. To not buy into what the world is throwing at them. Because it is death. And through all of that, like a drowning woman at sea, I have clung to the one thing that does not change with the storm: Christ and His church. That unchanging, solid rock that sees the TRUTH, and unashamedly preaches TRUTH, and reaches out with TRUTH as a beacon to the world. When all the world goes mad. It truly feels like we're on the defense against encroaching darkness, and that those who are brave enough to fight with us are dwindling.
Enter Pope Francis, who has been visiting the United States. Everyone's all excited, and at first I was, too. He would be here to encourage us and lead us, and let us know that HE knows what we're fighting. HE knows that we're standing strong. And that he supports us and will lead the charge. That was my expectation. He was finally speaking directly to us, in English - without the filters of media and translators. He couldn't be taken out of context, twisted, mistranslated. FINALLY. Here was Papa to set things straight, I thought as I brought C-Span up on my computer to follow anxiously along. FINALLY.
And instead, during that speech to Congress, we got vagueness. And climate change. And immigration. And abolition of the death penalty. Not unimportant things, but not THE IMPORTANT, FUNDAMENTAL THINGS. No the fundamental reality of the world that puts everything in perspective. And I was so so so disappointed.
What I was thinking when the Pope mentioned the value of human life, and then proceeded to talk about capital punishment: Thirty-two people were executed in the US in 2014. 32. Guilty people, murderers, who spent anywhere from 8 to 30 years fighting to overturn their sentences, given a trial and a chance. And then given an injection so that they could painlessly "fall asleep" in the most humane way possible. Whether you are for or against the death penalty, I cannot fathom how that compares to the wholesale slaughter of abortion, which murders over 1,000 INNOCENT children EVERY DAY. Every damn day. Over 805,000 abortions every year in this country alone. And not given a peaceful demise, but skulls smashed in, limbs ripped off, horrific dismemberment, and then parts sold afterwards. Innocent children - not given a trial, a voice, or a chance. Yet the Holy Father only vaguely implied the life is sacred at every stage of development, and then spent several minutes decrying capital punishment.
What ran through my head when he talked about immigration: He spoke about the US being a nation of immigrants, and of course it is. EVERYONE is for immigration. The discussion should be whether there should be a system for immigration to be done legally and efficiently instead of illegally (as it is now).
What I wanted to yell at the computer when he talked about climate change: We are stewards of our planet. And we need to be good stewards. But if we don't allow the responsible use of resources, then we can't address another pressing issue facing our country, and that is poverty. People, and the dignity that comes through honest work and self-sufficiency, need to be part of the equation. There needs to be a balance there, because stifling regulations on business protects trees over people, and unfettered capitalism protects people over trees. And let's face it. Jesus didn't die for nature. He died for US. The planet is the gift that sustains us, but the thing that was purchased in Christ's blood was humanity.
What made me just want to cry : Vague implications on the "value of the family". And that's it. That's IT. Didn't we just have some kind of MAJOR redefinition of something pertaining to family just recently here??? And why was there an openly gay and famous man doing the first reading at a PAPAL MASS celebrated in front of thousands and televised the world over????
I'm not trying to nitpick what the man said. It's not like I'm wanting him to champion only my specific causes. But I just felt like these struggles in the culture war got ignored, and he focused on things that, while important, aren't THE IMPORTANT FUNDAMENTAL THINGS. Family. Life. The purpose of humanity. If you're not allowed the gift of life, and knowing what that life is for, then those other things are secondary. How can we even talk about the environment or poverty, when people aren't even allowed to LIVE?
So, the result? I was in a funk. A colossal funk for days. A disheartened wretch who had troubles sleeping, couldn't watch anything pertaining to the rest of his visit, and was generally miserable to myself and my family. Papa, do you not see us? We're trying to stand strong. We're trying to be faithful. We're trying to raise our children to see light and truth in this crazy, darkening world... can't you SEE us? Can't you speak for US? Champion US? We need you!! And we need you to be strong, and clear and unafraid!! We're here, and we're fighting in our own little ways, a thousand battles every day, and sometimes - a lot of times - it feels like we are losing ground. We're not "conservatives". We're not "traditionalists". We're simply people who actually believe what the Church teaches, and try to live it out in our daily lives. Doesn't that just make us... I don't know.... Catholic? And aren't you the vicar of Christ on earth? Aren't YOU the head Catholic?? Then why are you catering to THEM instead of US?
And so, on Saturday night, stewing in my funkiness, I knew I couldn't attend Mass in the morning until I had resolved these feelings, until I got right with God again. So I prayed. And cried. And prayed some more.... that God would help me understand, and get rid of these feelings of being abandoned and let down.
And God, in His goodness, answered me. He always does, when I ask. And, as He usually does, He answered in a way that was startling and humbling. Amongst my inner rantings and churning emotions, I very clearly heard these words: "‘Son, you [j]have always been with me, and all that is mine is yours. 32 But we had to celebrate and rejoice, for this brother of yours was dead and has begun to live, and was lost and has been found.’”
Oh. The words jolted me into quiet, as I processed that.
Pope Francis is Christ's representative on Earth. And Christ is not Catholic. God is not the Father of just me and ours. He is the Father of all. The Father of humanity. And He is reaching out, searching, trying to draw in to Himself anyone in darkness, anyone confused or lost. Reaching to them where they are right now, to draw them closer. So yeah, that might mean for the time being that ignorant people rejoice that the "Pope is no longer Catholic". They'd be wrong, so I need to not worry about their misconceptions. But they're listening to him. They're paying attention to him. They're SEEING A MASS, in front of thousands of people at Madison Square Gardens, televised for all the world to see, and being awed by it's ancient beauty. Maybe, just maybe, this Pope gets them to search a little bit deeper about what this Christ guy is all about. Maybe, once they search, they FIND.
Once again. It's not about me. Go figure.
And God still loves me, too. I'm not abandoned. But I'm also not lost.
