Status Update, 2 months post treatment

I was so hopeful after radiodiodine therapy in June, and I still am.  I still have all kinds of hope that this journey is over (we'll find out in October), BUT... I'm starting to feel the effects of that treatment now two months later, that I didn't feel at first.  I was feeling SO GOOD initially, and it was so wonderful.  I felt NORMAL.  That's something that should never be taken for granted, that feeling NORMAL.  For the past few weeks, though, I've been feeling super tired, and bloated. I've gained a ton of weight, even though my eating habits haven't changed.   I haven't had a period in 3 months.  My body "zings" when I wake up in the middle of the night...oh, and I'm waking up in the middle of the night, every night.  I'm getting right flank pain.  I'm an air head, and have a hard time motivating myself and concentrating on things.  I'm stiff and walking around like a 90 year old woman. I have to hold on to the railing to do stairs, or do them one at a time.  That's ridiculous.   I get short of breath after doing very little work.  And I have been super queasy/nauseous, which has caused me to lose hours at work, and that's not good.  So general BLAH.  Malaise.  I just feel incredibly OLD.  And I am NOT OLD, dang it!!

So, I made an appointment with a gynecologist, as I suspected that the old hormones were out of whack.  And yes.  They are.  Again, therapy stunned my ovaries, and pushed me back into "post-menopausal" numbers, meaning they are not working AT ALL (FSH 40.4, Estradiol 15).   I figured as much, given what happened after the last treatment.  Last time, after about a year, my ovaries started coming slowly back to life, in a sputtering, half hearted manner.  We'll see if they decide to wake up again eventually this time, or if they've just given up for good.    So that explains some of my symptoms.  But last time when this happened, I didn't throw up or feel so queasy, and I didn't have right flank pain.  I didn't feel quite so weak or jittery, either.

Labs came back with a TSH of .02.  We want that number low, to starve the cancer, but WHOA.  It's supposed to be below .1, and at the start of 2019 I was running around .07.  Now we're getting pretty dang close to zero.  That could certainly cause some symptoms, too.  The disturbing thing about my lab values, at least in my mind, is that my liver function tests are all out of whack, which is probably causing the flank pain and nausea.    Apparently, hyperthyroidism can cause liver damage.  I can't actually get much more hyperthyroid than I currently am, given my super high dose at the moment.

Don't know what all this means, besides something needs adjusting, to make me feel better.  It's such a beautiful summer, I don't want to waste it feeling yucky.

It's all just minor stuff, though, and I'm acutely aware of that.  I'm still abundantly blessed.  An acquaintance's son just got diagnosed with stage three lymphoma, at 18 years old.  He's on his second round of chemo already and has been in and out of the hospital this entire summer.   And the son of a friend of Rob's  just died of cancer as well.  These kids getting cancer.  It's not right.  They have to deal with far more than I do.   I don't want to "navel gaze" or perseverate on my stuff, because it is such an easier battle than what others are going through.  Mine's not terminal, or life-consuming. It's just annoying.  So, I'm not complaining, just documenting.  It needs to go away already, and I think it has.  Now I just need to feel back to normal, and we'll be all good.

For The Record

The family and I went camping this weekend... the first time in years.  It was not planned, it just happened at the last minute.  The weather was gorgeous, the water was gorgeous, and after much complaining by the teenaged set on the way there - we had a fabulous time.  Just tons of happy family memories, and it was awesome.  No devices.  No tv.  We spent a glorious day and evening enjoying each other's company and the beauty of God's good earth.  I couldn't help myself, I had to take pictures.

The rest of the family got irritated by this.
"Mom!  Stop taking pictures and just enjoy the moment!"
"You're going to put this all on your 'quirky blog'."
The ribbing started edging towards mockery, and my feelings were getting hurt.

Do you know WHY I take so many pictures, family????
They guessed that it was to show the world what we're up to. To brag about a happy family. To present an image to the world.   NO. NO. NO.  Their answers made my heart hurt.

I will tell you why I take so many pictures, why I blog.

Dementia runs in my family.  My poor grandfather couldn't remember anything, and kept a pencil and notepad on him at all times to remember people's names, important things that happened to him.

My own father's memory is starting to fail.  I see it and it scares me.

I know I will be the same way.  I know it, because I feel it already.  And I don't want to forget.  I don't want to forget this beautiful, blessed life I've been granted, and I don't want to forget the happy memories.  I want to remember my family as it is RIGHT NOW.  So I document it.  It's my external memory, because I fear my internal memory will fail me.  It already has.

So I capture it as much as I can.  So I don't forget.  If I take a picture of it, if I write about it, if I video tape it.... it doesn't disappear.  Time is so fleeting, and I feel it passing so quickly.  So much of my own childhood has disappated and is gone forever.  I'm trying to grab on to it, one photo at a time.  To freeze these moments that mean so much to me.

So be patient with your sentimental mom, and smile for the paparazzi, dang it.