Quote of the Day

"Love, and do what you will: whether you hold your peace, through love hold your peace; whether you cry out, through love cry out; whether you correct, through love correct; whether you spare, through love do you spare: let the root of love be within, of this root can nothing spring but what is good.” (St. Augustine; Homily 7 on 1 John ¶ 8: PL 35)

The Dream

A good friend of mine lost her 4 year old son to brain cancer two days ago.  They fought long and hard for one year.  Eight brain surgeries, shunts, chemo, radiation, alternative treatments.  But the tumors kept growing and growing, ravishing his little body.  It was heartbreaking to watch.  The last I saw him, he had no control of his head or eyes, no control of his mouth or limbs.  He had tried to kiss his mother - his jaw moved slightly - and we cheered at that victory.  I placed a kiss on his smooth cheek, and made a cross as blessing on his forehead before I left.  Every visit was potentially the last time I would see him, but I really didn't think that would be the case this time - I had made arrangements to see them the following week.  Just a week away.  I would see him again.

Except when I called to come over, they weren't home.  Tanya had rushed him to the hospital because he was breathing funny.  I was going to meet them at the hospital, but then... no.  They were being airlifted out to the University of Michigan.  We prayed them all the way there, the kids and I.  The little guy had aspiration pneumonia, but they caught it early - he was responding to treatment.  There was hope again.  And then, on Monday, Tanya texted to say that his blood pressure was skyrocketing, and they did a quick MRI to find that the tumors had grown out of control.  He was discharged from the hospital that night, and put on hospice.  He died the next morning.  Her text came as I was getting the kids ready for school.  "Brody has earned his wings". 

So, last night I had a dream.  I was at Brody's funeral, and it was filled to overflowing with people.  The family had not yet arrived - we were all waiting for them.  Finally, Tanya and Doug came in, carrying a little open casket, and I dreamt that I braced myself to see Brody.  But he wasn't lying down.  He was sitting up, eating an ice cream cone.  And I fainted.

In my dream, when I woke up, they had taken Brody up to the alter, and he stepped out of his casket and walked to a nearby little chair.  I was floored.  His parents told the gathered people that there would be no funeral today, only a celebration of this little boy's continued life.  Everyone cheered, like it was a big party, but I KNEW.  I knew he had been dead, because I had seen him right before he died. 

So I tracked down Tanya, followed her all over, pestering her with questions.  "Do you realize how improved his head control is?  Tanya, he took STEPS!  He hasn't walked in 4 months!  And he's eating food!  Do you realize this?  This is a miracle!"

But she wasn't listening to me, more kind of avoiding me as she moved through the crowds, greeted people, had pictures taken with her son.  But then some back stairs, and into a dark hallway and I confronted her one more time.

"Tanya, I saw him.  I know he was dying.  But look at him!  How did this happen???"  But instead of answering me, she fell to the ground and began seizing.  I stood there for a second, not knowing what to do, but then I dropped to the floor and put her head in my lap.  She woke up and looked at me, and then I knew...

"You did this, didn't you?  You took on his cancer so he could live."  And then I woke up.

Easter is just a few days away, Good Friday is tomorrow.  Jesus' sacrifice on the cross just hit home really hard.