Phase 5, Status Update

Since I'm documenting the journey, might as well update Phase 5 here.  I've already written about how day 1 of Phase 5 (getting to and from radioiodine) went off perfectly.  And it did.  I was so elated, and happy, and thankful.  Still am about that.   Only effects of radiation on that day that I could tell were burning sensations in my throat and kidneys, which were to be expected and tolerable.  And some at the base and right side of my neck.  Which was more interesting to me than painful.   It's all good.  Still very hypothyroid in general, with dry mouth, bloating, blurry vision, always cold, hoarse voice... but... that was a GREAT day overall.  Because it went so unexpectedly well, when it could have gone so terribly.

Phase 5 Day 2 was rough.  I was drinking massive amounts of fluid, as I was directed, to flush out the radiation.  And.... there it sat.  Woke up nauseous, but no vomiting.  And bloated bloated bloated.  Felt like I'd just eaten Thanksgiving dinner, when I hadn't eaten really much of anything.  That day,  water went continually in, but nothing came out.  Nothing.  Water, and the other stuff that's normally supposed to come out every day.... NOTHING AT ALL.   Everything just sat there in my belly. My face swelled up, my eyes swelled nearly shut.  There were indents in my legs when I crossed them, and fingerprints in my cheeks when I leaned my chin in my hands.  Found out later this is a side effect of severe hypothyroidism, called myxedema.  It's not pretty.  Here... let me show you a lovely picture I sent to my sister that day, asking "do you have any beauty remedies for THIS?"

I was really trying to open my eyes in this picture.  And I was wearing makeup.  ((yammahamma)). Sorry.    I wasn't looking or feeling tip top, that's for sure.  I had no appetite at all.  That evening I forced myself to eat some protein ( a small bowl of chicken noodle soup and piece of plain chicken breast).  The food helped with the nausea.  By late afternoon, after pacing around my room, doing deep knee bends, squats, and abdominal self-massage... still nothing.  I laid on my bed and said a rosary.  And then another.  And prayed prayed prayed.  I knew this radiation needed to be expelled from my body, at the risk of doing great damage to my insides, and yet there it sat... trapped.  The scale said I had gained 10 pounds, and yet I'd eaten virtually nothing for nearly a week.
It was a beautiful day outside, and I'd opened all the shades to my bedroom to let in the natural sunlight.    As I laid on my bed and prayed, my eyes were closed, but behind my eyelids, an extremely bright light passed several times.  And an overwhelming sense of peace came.  It would be okay.  After the third rosary, I finally felt some air being expelled, and I was incredibly grateful.  Thank you Lord, for the expellation of gas?  Yes.  Thank you for that, because it made my hugely distended abdomen more comfortable.  And finally late that evening, after two heavily steeped, "double-bagged each" cups of caffeinated tea, 8 bottles of water, and 3 cups of apple-cider vinegar/ginger concoctions.... I began to diuresis a little. It was really hard to accomplish for some reason (I had to bear down really hard for just a trickle), but water was being dispelled. THANK YOU FOR THAT AS WELL, Lord.  I will take it.  All night long, I had twitching in my right biceps.  Electrolytes were surely askew.  But fluids were vacating the premise.

Sunday, I was able to restart my Synthroid, and that helped to finally start getting rid of all that built up water in a serious way.  The quality of my voice and blurry vision started improving as well.  I was officially allowed to start eating a normal diet again, but had absolutely no appetite whatsoever and couldn't seem to bring myself to consume food. I did, however, return to some much needed supplements:  calcium, vitamin C, milk-thistle to help clean out the liver.  Still really distended abdomen, but passing gas now.  Nothing but gas, but the passing of gas made me feel more comfortable.  I had a cup of coffee (I never drink coffee), and a cup of prescription-strength miralax to try and get things moving.  Two more cups of "double bagged" caffeinated tea, 7 bottles of water, 2 more cups of ginger/apple cider vinegar drink.  Paced around my room, more abdominal massage.  Absolutely no appetite whatsoever, so I hadn't eaten a single thing, but didn't realize that until around 4 pm.  That's when I decided that I should probably get checked out to see why my bowels weren't moving at all after 3 days.  I called the on-call nurse at the Marshfield clinic, and after hearing my story, she told me to go the Emergency Room to get checked out.  So I did.  Radioactive and all.

My blood pressure was 165/105.  It's never been that high before!  And I was FREEZING - the nurse brought me three heated blankets, one after the other, and raised the temperature in the room to as high as it could go, yet I was still physically shivering.  Peeing was still hard, but successful now.  I was expelling fluids and it felt GOOD to see it go!  An xray showed that my bowels weren't blocked, just a heck of a lot of gas in there making me uncomfortable.  Give it time, I was told. Things will start moving again once the gut calms down.  Just irritated by radiation and c-diff, but nothing that shouldn't go away.   OK.  There's  peace of mind in that.  Nothing is blocked or compacted, just sitting there patiently.  And since that day I was allowed to get off the low-iodine diet, I asked Rob to call in an order for a pizza, and I picked it up on my way home from the hospital.  Despite the utter lack of appetite, I ate that pizza and SAVORED EVERY BITE.  It was fabulous.

Yesterday was a better day.  I continue to drink lots but am able to get rid of the fluids now.  It makes me much more comfortable, and I can fully open my eyes again since they're no longer swollen nearly shut.  The addition of Synthroid to my life after 7.5 weeks is a good one.  I've had a dramatic improvement in my vision, and my mouth isn't nearly as dry any more.  My voice is returning to normal.  Still very little appetite, but I forced myself to eat some oatmeal for breakfast, a slice of left-over pizza for lunch (still tasted good!) and a slice of whole-wheat bread for dinner.  Still trying coffee, prescription strength Miralax, tea, apple juice... anything to see some movement on the south end.  I was able to get outside and go for a 40 minute walk which felt SO GOOD AND PROACTIVE!!!!  And yet, after four days, still nothing is moving in that regard. 

This morning I'm feeling some burning in my kidneys, which makes me a little nervous.  Vancomyacin is reportedly hard on kidneys, and mine were already under duress.  But I'm not going to dwell on that, just keep flushing with lots of fluid.  Woke up in a panic at 5 am, realizing that I forgot to make an appointment with my primary care physician about getting the official "back to work" clearance!  I'm planning on returning on Monday, and my doctor is REALLY hard to get in to!!!  So that will be the goal for today - get an appointment somehow so I can return to work on Monday.  And if things aren't moving by whenever I can get in, I will ask her about that as well.  The radiation should be enough weakened by now that I can be in the same room as adults, as long as I stand 3 feet away, if it's less than an hour at a time.  We're still being uber-cautious with the kids for the week.  I'm staying completely away from them for the full 7 days, which is hard, but we're managing fine (thank you, Face time!) 

Rob and the kids have really stepped up to the challenge of an absent mother.  They've cleaned the house, and managed meals really nicely.  I don't hear fighting or chaos outside my bedroom door!  Just lots and lots of piano playing, and frequent phone calls from a little girl who just wants to chit chat and make faces into the phone.  Father Ben came over yesterday afternoon, and made the family his famous venison pasty's for dinner.  Then, after Rob and he had a sauna and the children were in bed... at nearly midnight.... he said his daily Mass for us.  It was beautiful and such a blessing, to have something so sacred in our home.  Thank you, Lord, for the gift of Father Ben in our lives as well.  We are abundantly blessed.

One thing I just realized just now, among the many, many, many blessings we've received through all of this.  I think perhaps the biggest blessing of all, the one that makes everything do-able, is the utter lack of FEAR.  There has been discomfort, and frustration, and a fair bit of whining on my part.  I have had some concern here and there.  But one thing I have not had to deal with, and am truly thankful for, is that I have not been AFRAID.  Not since the moment this whole saga started.  I have always known, deep in my heart, that this is just a trial to get THROUGH.  A tunnel of sorts.  But there has always been a light at the end of the tunnel, and we have not, even for a single moment, been left in total darkness.  We have felt the hand of God in a zillion ways every. single. day.  He has not left us for one second unattended.  I can't even begin to express my gratitude for that.  He is here, with us, and that is enormously comforting and has been the single reason this family has weathered this storm as we have.  Because God has been here, and worked through each of YOU, in ways that we will be forever grateful for. 

Phase six starts in 3 days.  I am READY FOR NORMALCY.  It feels like the clock is ticking in that regard.  Come on, body!!!  We can do this!!  Cooperate, so that we can put all of this behind us!!! Phase six and done!!  FINISH LINE IN SIGHT!!