A thought occurred to me in the shower today, post my ultimate "good news" phone call, as I was reflecting back on the ordeal of the past several months.
What IF someone I know and love, in the hereafter, was waiting to be ushered into the presence of the Almighty, wanting to desperately see that beatific vision, but not yet purified to be ready. What IF God in His gracious and abundant love, spoke to His beloved child, my relative, whom He wants with Himself more than anything, and said "you are SO CLOSE my child, but nothing imperfect can enter heaven and survive. And I want you with me so desperately. Do not be discouraged. Will you seek someone to help you finish your transformation? To help you on this last step of your journey into my presence, where we can live together in joy forever?"
What IF my loved one looked around here on earth, and saw that middle-aged woman in the mid-west, and knew how much I loved them when they lived here on earth with me. What if they said to our Lord "her, Lord. She will help me. She loved me so much when we were together on earth. I'm sure she would if you asked it of her." And God granted that request. What if He allowed ME to help my loved one?
And at the start of it, I didn't understand, and was cranky and resentful and full of "why me?" and "this sucks". Because I didn't understand what it was all about, and thought it was all about ME, because I'm a selfish human being that way. Me, like Simon of Cyrene, being conscripted against my will for the greatest of blessings.
But then... in the heart of it, God sent me people to wake me up, to let me in on the secret. "If you allow it, and embrace it, Monica... this can be a help for your loved ones! Offer it up! Use it as God intended!" The voice of God, through my husband, through my mother.
And what IF that was what it was all about. Not about me at all. One thing after another, one trial after another, one discomfort after another, for 11 long weeks. What if it was all an opportunity to be of assistance to someone I loved so much, and who believed in that love that I have for them, that God ALLOWED me to help them through their own journey in the hereafter because... after all... we are part of ONE BODY, the BODY OF CHRIST. Not just here on earth, but in the beyond as well. What if my temporary discomfort, my minor bit of inconvenience, which I whined so much of the way through... what IF it was used for the eternal good of someone I love? Grandpa or Grandma or Aunt Marian, or Aunt Joan, or Uncle Carly, or Aunt Dorothy or Uncle Ed? Not because Jesus' sacrifice was incomplete, but because He allows us to help each other, to understand Him better.
What a blessing that would be, that I was chosen for such a task! What guilt I have for resisting it so much, instead of embracing it willingly!!! I should be thanking God for the opportunity! And now, now that I know it is past, and have the perspective to see how minor it was in hindsight, even though it was so all-consuming as I was living it... I can say, "if it was for YOU, dear loved one, then every last second was worth it! I'm sorry I was so resistant to God's plan!! And THANK YOU, great and loving Lord, for allowing me the opportunity to be of help, even if it was such LITTLE help compared to Your sacrifice. Just a miniscule fraction of what you suffered, the tiniest of tastes. But You allowed me to help someone I love very much, in my own small way, to the tiniest of degrees. You blessed me with that, so that I could understand a FRACTION of what You accomplished on the cross.
THANK YOU LORD!! What a blessing this has been.
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